Parenthood - The Show (Part 2)

I wrote in a past post that I have been watching the NBC show Parenthood and overly identifying with a particular storyline with an alcoholic ex-husband (Seth) who shows back up in the lives of his ex-wife (Sara) and kids (Amber & Drew).

I wrote that I had been crying through it.

I have since watched a few episodes with Girlie (16) and she joined me in the tear-fest!

STORY: Character Sara Braverman takes out a loan from her sister to put ex, Seth, in rehab because he has never been willing to do it before and finally is. He goes in and she visits him. This freaks out her whole family because they have SEEN how Sara has no boundaries and gets WRECKED emotionally by Seth's addiction. They don't want to see her OR the kids dragged back into this destructive cycle... especially when the kids are doing well and Sara finally has a successful career AND an awesome new boyfriend. Sara's keeps canceling & flaking out on her new boyfriend (Mark) and he is very understanding but he finally tells her that he can't accept being canceled on any more (good for him!!!).

Sara goes to visit Seth in rehab and the reminisce about old times... memories only the two of them share; their little bungalow, how their daughter lost her first tooth and how afraid she was of the tooth fairy etc. (Oh so familiar!) They were a FAMILY and his addiction stole that from them. And now, suddenly, there is a little hope that this 'family' might be possible if he sobers up... and he is saying he actually wants that now!

He says his visiting hours got extended and asks if she will stay and watch their old favorite movie that is playing, "Vertigo" (they recite a few lines together). She says she can't (because she does not want to cancel on boyfriend Mark). Seth says he understands. Sara is sad to leave him alone and he is sad to be left alone and sits and watches the movie by himself in the rehab.

We had to pause the show to cry. Girlie was crying & crying. Tears were rolling down her face and dripping off her jaw. She really deeply dislikes Seth (the alcoholic) and loves the new boyfriend, Mark but it was KILLING her to see Seth left alone and sad.

"I just don't want him to be alooooooonnnne! He is so sad. I don't want her to stay, but I don't want him to be alone!"

I tried just reflecting her (no advice or fixing, just HEARING): "You don't want him to be alone..."

"Nooooooo..."

"That is making you VERY sad..."

Nod. Sniffle.

She kept crying and crying.

Through sniffles: "I know I am not really crying about the show. I am crying about Dad..."

"You are really crying about dad..."

"Yes... and I just feel so sad for him and I just don't want him to be alone..."

*GULP*

I get it! I was feeling the same way. I wanted to tell Sara "RUN!!!!! Run like the wind... get away from Seth... go back to mark... trust me, I KNOW what it's like... its a never ending cycle... you will never escape..." Any yet I didn't want him to be alone either. Maybe THIS time he would get sober. Maybe this time it would end. Maybe they COULD get back together and be a family...

I again see that cycle of the kids feeling responsible for protecting the alcoholic from the consequences of HIS choices (like I wrote about here).

Alcoholics can continue in their disease SO much longer with good enablers like us! If WE won't do it (enable), they can usually find someone else who will (a parent, a child, a friend, a boyfriend/girlfriend, grandparent, coworker, boss etc.). Addicts are usually very smart and charming and we enablers feel like our love alone can save them and this helps our OWN value and self-worth.

I just trained and handed the baton off to the next generation.

Girlie knows enough to be mad at Seth (on the show) and to want him to go away and that he is not good for Sara and the kids and yet she can't BEAR to see him sad. He has caused years and years of suffering and agony for his wife and kids and now is finally sober enough to realize the pain and suffer the consequences and she wants him rescued from that... and so does Sara... and so do I...

Which is why I am still WITH Mr. M... so I am a kind and loving savior... and he doesn't have to be alone...