Mr. M Update - Plus a Little on Laughter

Am I just numb or am I starting to accept my sadness as a part of life? (Is it possible it is like if one lost a limb they would grieve and grieve for a while and then start living again and learn to live with that loss in a new way?) Some of both, methinks.

What I didn't mention in my last post about Mr. M's dirt biking accident was that I had just had lunch with a group of 6 girlfriends (celebrating one friend's birthday)... we had stayed and laughed and gabbed so long that I rushed straight from there to meet two other girlfriends for dinner! (I had made several plans since Mr. M was going to be gone all weekend :) I was just walking in to restaurant #2 when Mr. M phoned, lying in a crumpled heap on the desert floor convulsing with shivers from the cold night air as darkness closed in around him and they waited for their buddy to come back with the truck. I expressed my concern and sympathy and made sure he was going to the hospital and asked questions like "Are you OK?????" and "Is there BLOOD?!?" and "Are any bones sticking out at weird angles?". He said he would call back and I went in to the restaurant and had a lovely evening with my friends. (The next night I had dinner with another girlfriend from Junior High and she hung out until 1AM!!) At dinner, I shared with my friends about Mr. M and my anger and fear and grief. Another friend shared how badly their business was going and how hard it is to struggle financially for so long... she cried a bit about how many vacation memories they have not been able to make because they never go anywhere because they are always waiting for "next year" hoping things will be better and they are not.

I have trauma and crisis in my life and so do others:

I currently have a friend whose husband of 26 years left her for an old high school crush devastating their 2 children who are now not speaking to him.

Another friend in my support group's husband has been having emotionally intimate conversations on the phone with a woman whose husband just left her... he thinks he might be in love with her and has told his wife - my friend - that he might want a divorce. their devastated daughter has started dabbling in drugs and sex.

Another friend of mine has a daughter with severe cerebral palsy, an adult son with extreme mental illness (he has been in jail and mental hospitals, he gets on medications, gets better, gets out, and realizes he is fine and gets off the meds only to slip back into the clutches of his mental illness). Meanwhile, her husband has had 2 neck surgeries and is not feeling any better and her mother (85) is having massive health problems and moved in with them!

My other friend's husband is 52 and is having memory issues like he makes her eggs for breakfast and then 20 minutes later of she wants him to make her some eggs... she is terrified for what this means for their family and their young 12 year old son.

One of my friends just lost his 12 year old daughter to cancer...

Need I go on?

There is a LOT of sadness in the world. I don't know a lot, but one thing I can tell you for sure; this is NOT heaven! There is a lot of pain and suffering and grief here on this planet. But life goes on. We can curl up and die or keep living. I am super sad for myself and my circumstances and I am brokenhearted for my suffering friends (and these are just a few of them!). But I am amazed at our resilience and HOPE. We cry together (I am not very good at this but am working on it) and we LAUGH together (I am VERY good at this :)

Oh... how we laugh!!!

And it is healing and cathartic.

It is not fake. We are not pretending we are not sad. We are sad AND sometimes there is humor even in the sadness (Dark humor? The lighter side of grief?) The sadness is true but so is the laughter.

So, while it has been a rough few days (and I have a lot of feelings I am still hashing through with Mr. M's latest escapades), it was also a fun few days... I enjoyed my friends and my kids and yes, even my life. It was - as Dr. would say - "abundant" (full of everything).

P.S.

Update on Mr. M is that his friends took him to the hospital and dropped him off. He called when he was done HOURS later and they picked him up. He didn't want to ruin their trip so he said he could just stay the 2 miserable days and nights in the trailer while they all went out riding all day. I could've offered to drive the 3.5 hours each way to pick him up, but didn't and only felt 5% guilty (not bad! ;) They brought him home sunday evening. (The kids and I had just finished a delicious mexican meal with my parents who brought dinner over.)

He was a mess... he was sick - they think from eating something bad - and vomiting and the "runs". (I let hims stay the night in case it was a symptom of an internal injury, I am still keeping an eye on him.) His right arm IS broken. We have to take him to the Dr. to have a more permanent cast put on this week. Not 100% sure what is wrong with the shoulder... the Dr. said to wait and bit before having it checked (this seems weird to me?!?!?). His tailbone and back are still killing him. He has deep cuts and scabs on his arms, elbows, and knees. His helmet is thrashed but it seems to have done its job protecting his brain (thank GOD!).

I undressed him and helped bathe him and am letting him spend a few nights. I did a load of his laundry and am being polite. He is terribly sad that I seem angry with him. He just doesn't get it: "It was an ACCIDENT, Babe!" I tried to explain. He says he gets it but he is very self consumed (he is in a lot of physical pain, plus me being mad at him brings emotional pain, plus I think he was quite scared and I am not offering a lot of comfort, which is my usual role... a lot of new stuff going on over here...)