Politics & Jesus

I have actually been thinking and re-thinking about my stance on my faith and my politics.

In my state there have been many gay Marriage acts up for voting over the years.
So far, the "conservative" vote has prevailed.
I have always been on that side.

I believed that gay couples have most of the same legal rights as married couples and can't marriage just be lieft the way it was originally conceived and defined, for hetero couples?

As Gay Marriage has been repeatedly been voted down, the gay community (and increasingly, the non-gay community) has begun to see the Christian community not for its awesome values and loving heart but for its "hatred" and political power (putting Bush in office etc.).

Don't get me wrong, I am a Christian and my views have not changed... Biblical truth is ALWAYS true... it does not change "like the shifting shadows" (from the book of James in the Bible). And I believe the Bible says practicing homosexuality is a sin.

But more and more I am believing that being a Christ-follower is LESS about politics and more about just following Christ.

As Christians LOVE others and SERVE others and LIVE OUT Christ's commands in a quiet, loving, obedient way... our ACTIONS will shout out the difference and we will not need to shout our our beliefs.

Jesus (when he was on earth) focused on LOVING sinners... we never saw Him getting involved in politics of the day. He just went about His business of loving, saving, and healing people.

I think Christians more and more are perceived as HATERS who are AGAINST things - Although I know this is the agenda of anti-Christians, to make us look this way, they do not need a lot of help, we do it to ourselves.

Specifically with the gay marriage issue:
#1 - It is VERY difficult to have a logical non-Biblical reason for not allowing gay people to get married... and since most Americans do not necessarily believe in the bible any more, this is a tough pill for more Americans to swallow. "Gay marriage is wrong because the Bible says so." Many responses now-a-days would be "So?"

The Bible says it is wrong, therefore Christians say it is wrong, but people who do not believe the Bible cannot be expected to think or feel this way... their "right' and "wrong" are not absolutes and do not come from the Bible.
#2 - Some gay couples may look & act more loving than many hetero couples.
#3 - Sadly, hetero marriages can no longer be said to be "forever" with divorce and remarriage rates being SO high now,
#4 - Sadly, "Christian" marriages do not look much better than secular marriages with divorce statistics,
#5 - All denominations of Christians are being lumped together and even Christianity itself is being lumped together with other religions (mormons etc.) in these conservative issues which make use harder & harder to tell who is who - CONFUSING for non-Christian. (Heck, it is confusing for the Christian community!!!)

#6 - While I may believe the practice of homosexuality is a sin. I am a sinner too. ALL people are sinners (if I'm human, I am a sinner.) Jesus died for ALL sins and sinners... Jesus has redeemed ALL sinners and loves us all and offers us all forgiveness and wholeness and a way out. THIS is the message I would MOST want the gay community to get from me and my fellow Believers; LOVE. Period.

I am beginning to think that perhaps we (as Christians) should back of from the political arena with a lot of Christian issues and simply LIVE it in an uncompromising way.
Let the dark be dark... let it become blacker and blacker and then let the LIGHT of God shine even brighter in that darkness ("And they'll know we are Christians by our LOVE.")

Let "this little light" of ours shine in the growing darkness!

Does this mean Christians should stop running for office? - NO.
Does this mean we should not vote our conscience? - NO.
Does this mean we should just allow ALL manner of evil to occur? - not necessarily (although it already is occurring... and We - Jesus' Church - just look like we are HATERS).

For example, abortion is not just a sin, it is also MURDER.
This is not just a morality issue.
If we lived in Germany during WWII what would our call have been in the slaughter of millions of innocent jews and disabled and political criminals?!?...

To quietly love Jews and hide them and smuggle them out?

or to stand up against evil and risk our own lives to save them?

Was this about HATING the Nazis or about loving the Jews???

And what about slavery?
As Christians, this was about the value of life and human worth in the eyes of God.
It was worth a civil war and an underground railroad... it was not just sin... it was about LIFE being sacred.

This is the way I feel about abortion... we need to do with abortion what we should have done with slavery & the holocaust.

But I would err on the side of being lovers who are FOR Christ and FOR people and Christ-followers FIRST and protesters and marchers and "haters" who are "against" abortion last.

Again, I have not necessarily "landed" any where yet... these are just things I have been ruminating on lately.

Love & Peace.

Foreclosed

Yesterday Mr. M and I went over to our friends' home to help them pack and to hug them as they sobbed.  

The sheriff had appeared last Thursday to serve them with an eviction notice.

Sad and devastating under ANY circumstances... the heartbreaking twist here is that Wifey knew and had been hiding it for MONTHS (and helped create it).  Hubby was completely in the dark... shocked and flabbergasted!  

I was packing in the garage.  I walked over to Hubby's workbench.  My eyes filled with tears.  This was not the workbench of someone who knew he would be moving and was preparing to move.  It was the workbench of someone who thought he would be there for a long time.   They have a LOT more to work on than just losing their house (and all their equity - a lifetime of work and savings, lost at 40 years old).

I do not want ANYONE to be as miserable as I have been in my alcoholic marriage... I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy.  But wow, do people suddenly have more understanding, mercy, grace, and gratefulness!  (And where did the pity and maybe even tiny bit of judgement or "we are better than you" look in their eyes go?)   People suddenly realize what kind of love, support, and help we could have used in OUR tough time when we show up to help them in theirs.

Mr. M found himself teary and emotional all day.

He was sad for our friends.

He was also sad for us.

He saw the devastation the lying and betrayal can bring.

He had never seen his friend cry... and he wasn't just crying, he was sobbing.

Therapy Day 9.30.08

Today was therapy.

I told Dr. about the dream I had about him.

The dream was that his office was the waiting room.

People kept coming in DURING my session and sitting next to me on the sofa while waiting for their therapist to come get them.

The receptionist was right in the office too, answering phones, taking calls, filing etc. (Her name was Yolanda, in my dream.)

Dr. had some forms I had completed and he wanted to review them with me so he handed them to me... they were someone else's (2 different peoples' stapled together, but not mine).

I was kind of fretting and planning HOW I could tell him that I couldn't do therapy with Yolanda in the room and I didn't know what to do with these papers that were not mine. I didn't want to sound threatening or demanding... but at the same time, I know I could not do therapy this way.

His next clients came in and sat right there with us in the "waiting room" which was his office.

There was a young girl with them (maybe 6-8) and she leaned against Dr. very familiarly (like a family member). He patted her fondly and kissed her forehead... I was JEALOUS!... I wanted to be loved and familiar like that. (Embarrassing!) I remember thinking that it made sense to me now that he would not see my friends for therapy and that he did not want his clients talking and hanging out.

When i woke up, i was sad and felt weird. I was embarrassed.

I knew I didn't want to tell him about my dream... which of course made me know that I needed to all the more (terrific!).

We didn't get to it until the last 10 minutes or so... but I DID tell him... he said there was a lot to unpack there and that we should talk about it next week.

We also talked about comfort.

I feel an endless, bottomless need for care and comfort.

He said he thinks that maybe I THINK I need comfort, but that no one can really make it "OK"... no one could truly comfort me effectively (true!!!). He said he thinks there is more value in someone being PRESENT with me in my feelings... allowing me to have them, not rescuing me, just BEING THERE.

He said more and more he is interested in the possibility of parenting kids and even babies this way... that maybe comforting them (shooshing them, jiggling them, getting them to stop crying) might not be what they need. After they have been fed, diapered, burped, etc... perhaps they just need someone to be with them... truly with them, while they cried and felt their feelings. Someone to see them, hear them, make eye contact with them and be present with them while they felt their feelings.

Interesting concept.

I just almost typed "I love him".

Then I stopped and felt weird.

I don't know what my feelings are.

I feel hopeful.

I really want him to be the 'real deal'... but what IS the 'real deal'?

Someone who is really CAPABLE of helping me and being strong and confident and leading me where I need to go?

And I can't really feel like I love him.

I don't even KNOW him!

I love who he is to ME.

Hmmm... stuff to think about.

Not enough?

Mr. M has almost 6 months sober.

What I fantasized about it not bliss.

Not only is there still the daily suspicion and fear of the temporary hiatus shattering, but there is the punishing, grinding of living with a newly sober alcoholic's insanity.

He seems always on the verge of exploding. His moods are ever changing.

His self-absorption is mind-boggling.

His short-temper and pouty hurt feelings over every imagined slight.

His lack of patience when the kids bicker or challenge or question or whine or defy... he has no tolerance or patience and no respect or gratitude for the fact that I have done this alone for months... years.

I can't bear the thought of going on like this, walking on eggshells, hoping, always hoping for more.

He loves me deeply, I know that.

And I love him, its true. 

But I am frightened and grieved that that might not be enough.

Is it possible it is not enough?