What I fantasized about it not bliss.
Not only is there still the daily suspicion and fear of the temporary hiatus shattering, but there is the punishing, grinding of living with a newly sober alcoholic's insanity.
He seems always on the verge of exploding. His moods are ever changing.
His self-absorption is mind-boggling.
His short-temper and pouty hurt feelings over every imagined slight.
His lack of patience when the kids bicker or challenge or question or whine or defy... he has no tolerance or patience and no respect or gratitude for the fact that I have done this alone for months... years.
I can't bear the thought of going on like this, walking on eggshells, hoping, always hoping for more.
He loves me deeply, I know that.
And I love him, its true.
But I am frightened and grieved that that might not be enough.
Is it possible it is not enough?
