I am probably going to close down my blog soon because of my recent diagnosis... and I don't want my kids to find it years after I am gone.
January 2 I went to the hospital with a headache and shortness of breath.
I have a brain tumor.
Deadly.
Maybe12-18 months.
I am heartbroken. Crushed.
I don't want to miss my kids' lives.
I don't want my kids to get older with no #1 fan... everyone needs a mom!
I don't want my grandkids to grow up never having MET me.
I am sad and mad with God because my kids already haven't had a dad for so much of their lives... and even when they DO, could they COUNT on it? (No.)
My feelings are hurt for them - their dad is an alcoholic who has missed half their lives and left them in fear... why does their MOM have to get brain cancer?!?!?
(BRAIN CANCER!)
Yes, I am terrified and heart broken.
My feelings are hurt.
I am mad.
I am exhausted and frightened.
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There are no words but I couldn't read and not comment
ReplyDeleteThinking of you tonight xxx
I am so very sad and sorry to hear your news. I can not imagine the devastation you must be feeling. I have read every entry on your blog because our alcoholics seem so similar. Thanks for being there for so many of us. I'm wishing you strength and courage for the road ahead of you. Please find comfort in knowing that you are strong! God Bless you and your kids.
ReplyDeleteThere really are no words. I am just so so very sorry. I am a reader who rarely comments but you are in my prayers. It is times like this that I wish our blogger community could rally around one of our own who is in need. ((((Hug))))
ReplyDeleteI am so sorry for you, heartbreaking just heartbreaking. I have read your blog and it has helped me in so many ways. I'm not one to comment often, but this is heartbreaking.
ReplyDeleteI have a suggestion, maybe you want to start a new blog and let your children have that as a memory of your love to them and your future grandchildren. It will be in your words, kinda like a memoir. They deserve to know what a wonderful strong person you are. I truly am sorry for you.
Oh Tearless! I wish I could hug you right now. You are so special to me. What a kind, vivacious, inspirational, honest seeker and warrior you are! And such a loving, caring mother. You have given your kids so much love and care. I feel like I know you so well from reading your beautiful, honest blog. Words you have written have touched my life and helped me so much. They run through my mind while I'm raging about my own husband and they help me process my issues with him. You have really, really, really helped me so much, from the moment I found your blog and all of the times you have offered your thoughts on my blog and my situation. I just love you and want to be there with you through this. Would you consider setting up a new blog so we can stay with you through this? Just think about it. You are so many things but you are a writer too.
ReplyDeleteSending much love!
Xoxox
How are you feeing today? I'm thinking about you and praying for you.
ReplyDeleteI haven't been able to stop thinking about you either tearless x
ReplyDeleteI am so sorry to hear this. I am thinking of you. This is a tough thing, but I want to tell you that my cousin is still alive after being diagnosed with glioblastoma multiforme five years ago.
ReplyDeleteI am beyond sad for you. I've been reading your blog for so long, and you have already been through so much. I wish there was something I could say to brighten your day, give you hope. But there is always hope. Are you going to have chemo? I will definately be thinking about you.
ReplyDeleteJust stopping by to let you know you are on my mind. I hope you don't mind, but I shared with my mother that a friend has brain cancer (don't worry, I wasn't specific). She goes to church every morning and has a couple prayer groups so she has been praying for you.
ReplyDeleteIf you feel up to it, please check in and let us know how you are doing. If you don't like it, just know that I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers.
XOXO
I am so, so sorry that you are going through this. I have followed your blog for a while now and just wanted to let you know that what you have written here has made a difference and has helped me. I will be thinking of you and your family and praying as well.
ReplyDeleteI am really sorry to hear about your sad news. If you do choose to start another blog to process the feelings and fears, I am certain there will be a ton of people willing to support you. You are a good mom, your kids will always know that and be comforted by that.
ReplyDeletejust stopping by and letting you know; you are in my thoughts and prayers.
ReplyDeleteThinking of you. I am keeping you in my prayers...
ReplyDeleteHard to find words...just know I'm one more person saying prayers for you. Fight the fight for you and for those who love you.
ReplyDeletePlease know in your heart and soul that you have comforted so many readers here. Know also this truth...you have changed my life and that of my husband and three children. They have a sober dad because you gave me the courage to challenge the status quo. Thank you...you will forever be in my prayers. I am humble and grateful.
ReplyDeleteYou are being thought of often and prayed for. (((HUG)))I wish there was more I could do.
ReplyDeleteI found your blog a few months ago when starting to cope with my own alcoholic marriage. You and your words have given me comfort, courage and hope. I wish I had the words to give back even a fraction of these things to you. I thank you, and add me to the list of those praying for you.
ReplyDeleteThinking of you, Tearless. Sending hugs.
ReplyDeleteOctober O Nine
Oh. I am lifting you up right this minute, dear one, and your children.
ReplyDeleteI have just tonight found your blog. I want you to know how much it helped me to read it. It TRULY helped me. And then I read this part. I am sending you love and I will pray for you and your sweet babies and your husband. I so wish I had words to help. Breaks my heart.
ReplyDeleteJust stopping by to let you know you are in my thoughts, Tearless.
ReplyDeleteXO
October O Nine
I have read this book and found it very productive. Thanks for sharing the extraordinary knowledge.
ReplyDeletevashikaran specialist in india
hi tearless - i spent the better part of today reading your blog. you are a great writer... have made me laugh, concerned, and now heartbroken for you. i am an alcoholic, just 4 months into recovery. i came across your blog seeking encouragement for why i cannot relapse - trying to get the partner's perspective. you really have helped me to be much much more mindful of what i will put my husband through if i ever put him through this madness again. as exhausting and gut wrenching as it is to go through the alcoholic mania, i see it is a thousand times worse for the person who loves an alcoholic. thank you for your perspectove and your wisdom. your family is very lucky to have you. i'm very sorry for your diagnosis and wish you the very best. ~elaine
ReplyDeleteIt was really a heart touching blog,I read your full blog for a long time.It was very bad experience. there are many families in World who faces such a incident.I really thankful to you for sharing such a bad experience with us.God bless you and your family.
ReplyDeleteMarriage|Shaddi|Vivah
I just want you to know that your words on this blog have impacted me, and many many more. And some of us are still just finding our way to you. I am so, SO sorry to hear of your diagnosis. Life is so incredibly unfair. You are a beautiful writer and have a beautiful soul. I wish you nothing but love and comfort in your coming days. You are light for so many, and you always will be!
ReplyDelete