She is about 22... she and her young husband are so sweet and fresh-faced and naive seeming as they smile out at the camera holding their newborn daughter and toddler son. They look like babies themselves and yet here they are playing house, making babies of their own, and trying to forge a path for themselves in this world.
I look at them through tear-blurred eyes.
Because I can only see myself.
Mr. M and I were BARELY 18 when we said "I do".
We had no idea what "we did" when we said our vows and began to forge OUR own path.
I was a sweet little girl like my friend's daughter; sweet and fresh-faced and naive.
I feel so very sad for that little girl that I was.
She deserved so much more.
She deserved a husband who was present, who didn't leave her and get drunk and lose his jobs and steal the rent money for cocaine or take the kids in the car to buy drugs.
How could she have known that if she stayed, she would eventually be a middle-aged woman with 4 grown (and nearly grown) kids STILL GOING THROUGH THE EXACT SAME THING?
I wish I could reach back in time and hug her and whisper her worth to her. I wish I could comfort her and keep her safe and protect and provide for her.
I see my friend's sweet daughter and I am so happy for her and for them and yet it is hard to not feel jealous and to mourn deeply for the sweet, unmarred happiness I never got to have.
Beautiful, haunting post. So honest.
ReplyDeleteThanks for sharing.