He's Drinking Again

I haven't been on this blog in a LONG time... and secretly I think I'd hoped I'd NEVER have to be back. I know that can blog on this site even if Mr. M isn't drinking, but I think I was thinking of them as synonymous. He's not drinking so I am not blogging. I hope I don't have to blog again because that would mean he is drinking again.

But I am back, which means... you guessed it... Mr. M relapsed.

I think I saw it coming for about a month. He was stressed, angry, ungrateful, rude, unhappy... and more of these things than his normal self.

I saw it coming and I think I knew it, but didn't want to know it.

I started planning a 2 week vacation right away... not realizing that I was going into 'protect and control' mode, thinking (I think) that I could make him happy and get him recharged and stop it from happening.

He drank (vodka from the bottle) 3 days before leaving for 2 glorious weeks in paradise. Should I cancel? Should I still go?

I still wanted a vacation.

I had already spent the money and was not getting it back.

My husband was drinking and might not make it.

I was still clinging to the fantasy that maybe he would bounce right back and be OK. (Maybe THIS time it would only be a "blip" on the screen.)

In the end, I (we?) still chose to go to Hawaii for 2 weeks. He did not drink the whole time there... so it was a little slice of fantasy that I could cling to for just a little while longer.