He called around 4:30 saying he was on his way over and he hoped that was OK.
He got a ride from an alumni of the hospital.
He wanted to come and get his van and pack a few things.
I said sure, but it was weird timing because it was Halloween and the kids were home and I didn't know how they would feel about it.
Girlie said "Aw, hell no!!!" and I didn't even scold her.
Drummer took her to get a birthday present for a friend and then dropped her off at another friend's to trick-or treat.
Mr. M came by. He said he wasn't calling me because he didn't want to bug me. I told him I was OBSESSED so it was impossible to bug me... I waited around like a freak for his call. His assumption that I was rejecting him was based in fantasy, not reality.
He found the wadded up shorts & underwear that he peed in a couple weeks ago. I had left them in a pile by his work bench. He was embarrassed when he asked what they were and I told him.
He showered and packed some things and discovered his battery died so he had to hang around longer than expected.
I reiterated that my intention in having him not come home was not a punishment. It was a mental health move for him and for me. I was going to be a controlling, policing freak-wad and he needed to work a program on his own and not have me bossing him around and working his program. He seemed like he even kind of agreed.
He talked to the kids and hugged them and apologize.
He was choking back tears the whole time.
He didn't want to cry but couldn't help it.
I hugged him and said feelings are healing.
He said it was hard to let himself have them... it is not how he was raised.
I was sad to have him leave but I was already giving him advice and trying to monitor his moves and sniffing him (was that booze I smelled???).
He went to an AA meeting and then went to stay at his friend's house (a different AA friend).
He is supposed to go to counseling tomorrow morning then go check out a sober living house the go spend some time at his sponsor's house.
If he doesn't drink, maybe that will happen.
He says he has NO DESIRE to drink right now.
G O S H how I want to believe that so much every time.
OUCH it is so heartbreaking to discover anew each time that he has drunk again.
I am such an eternal optimist... and/or an eternal moron.
"I am such an eternal optimist... and/or an eternal moron." We are so alike.
ReplyDeleteThis is such a moving post. So heartbreaking, but also so full of hope. I love that he is willing to go to AA. I pray that someday my husband walks through those doors.
I admire your strength and you ability to work your program.