Getting out Today

Our awesome (NOT) insurance plan (Blue Shield of CA PPO plan) only covers acute detox and no substance abuse programs or anything, so Mr. M's coverage ends today. They have not let him use the phone at all in the Recovery Unit so he is getting out with no place to go. That is so frustrating because it set them up for failure, in my opinion. He is going to get out and be basically sitting on the curb with his bag and no ride and no place to go.

It is taking EVERYTHING in me to not jump in and "fix" it!

I could so easily call around and find a place.

I could go pick up up or find a ride.

I am scared that when he gets out he will feel so alone and scared and discouraged and his shame will be at peak level along with his abandonment and anxiety that the only solution to his fragile emotions and mind may seem like a drink.

But if he wants to stop drinking bad enough, he will figure it out. (He can call AA friends or even AA central office and ask for help.)

On the other hand, if he wants to drink, he will ALWAYS find or manufacture a reason to drink, even if there isn't one... so in this case, he won't have to work hard to manufacture it.

I remind myself that "fixing" it only fuels the fire and prolongs the behavior.

He is a big boy.

He got himself into this mess.

He can get himself out - if he chooses.

Sooooooooooooooo hard for a person who gets her self-esteem from being needed and from saving and rescuing to NOT jump in and "make it all better". It is only from years of trying to do that and SEEING the fruitlessness of it that I am able to hold myself back.

I'll keep you posted.

xo