Back in Hospital (Round 2)

I am jumping ahead to current.

A few days ago, Mr. M checked himself out of the hospital and went to an AA friend's house.

This worried me greatly but at least it was a sober person and Mr M DID go to an AA meeting with him.

I talked to him on the phone and his brain seemed muddled and he was slurring his words.

I thought he sounded like he was drinking.

But I couldn't see him or smell him and I thought the alcoholic he was living with and the guys at the meeting would pick up on it if he was.

So I was thinking his brain had been severely harmed by all the drinking and I was praying with a little time he would dry out and his brain would come back.

As HORRIFYING as it was to discover he was still drinking, it was kind of a relief and made more sense.

His friends came and took him and dropped him off back at the hospital.

I did not think this was the best move... I thought he should go back to the motel if he was not done drinking.

I know this SOUNDS cold-hearted. And I even FEEL a bit mean.

But we are only prolonging this binge by softening or delaying his bottom.

I want him to hit it and hit it good and hard. (But PLEASE live!)

He called from the ER last night (drunk). I should've been polite and wrapped it up, but I talked to him. He was saying there is no point in going on.

I told him that it was worth having the last 3.5 great years with him. He said it wasn't. I told him it WAS: our family trip to the capitol, our son Hacker's wedding, our catamaran trip to the Caribbean, Girlie's Jr. High graduation, Drummer's high school graduation. He got to part of all that, and we got to have him there! If he could get sober and get 3 MORE years before a relapse, maybe he could experience Drummer's wedding and Bub & Girlie's highschool graduations etc.

Even though he was drunk, he actually seemed to kind of grasp onto that.

He said "You have never said that before... that makes me feel hopeful."

I have no idea if he will even REMEMBER that this morning... but maybe it was just enough for him to not kill himself last night.

I mean, this is TERRIBLE, but it is just a relapse.

It doesn't have to last for the rest of our lives or even for years.

He COULD be back on track and get a few more wonderful years under his belt.

He could...