My Drinking

I had not had a drink of alcohol for 20 years.

20 years!!!

Why?

I had made some bad choices (alcohol related) as a teen.

I got "sober" in 1987, and the rest is history.

My alcoholic husband continued to drink while I did not.

Perhaps I felt noble.  Perhaps I thought i was modeling for him.

On some level I did not know if I was an alcoholic or not, but I was scared of what might happen if I started drinking again.

Last summer I had a margarita.

Since then I have started drinking.

I drink.

I like drinking.

I think about drinking.

I want to drink.

I am concerned that a bit of an obsession is starting.

I don't WANT to have an obsession.

I want to drink like "normal" people.

But I honestly don't know if I can.

Tonight I had a bit too much wine at dinner... I am not that picky about my alcohol... I prefer beer, but wine was available with italian food... so I drank it.

I was a little buzzed.

I didn't want to drive my child home buzzed, so we went to Target for a while and shopped.

45 minutes, $80, and a bit more sober later, I drove home.

I am still a bit lit.

I had too much.

I like(d) it.

I look forward to my next drink.

When did I drink this week?

Let's see...

Friday night, 2 glasses of wine.

Tuesday night, amusement park, 2 beers.

Wednesday lunch, 1 glass pinot grigio.

Friday night, 2 glasses chianti.

Uh-oh.

That's a fair amount of drinking in one week.

And I think of my next drink.

I like the way I feel.

I will probably have to NOT drink... but I don't want to.

*sigh*