eHarmony

I was not cut out for internet dating!!!

I did the profile on eHarmony to see what it would say about me... I didn't really think of it as a match-making service.

I am VERY interested in seeing what kind of options are out there for me, but NOT in actually pursuing anything... I am still married and I will be freshly wounded for a while (and recovering), I am too broken still to even PICK someone healthy and good, I still have kids, I can't date while I have kids, AND I am scared to death!!!!  (About dating, about being rejected, about having to reject someone else, about liking someone else, about being liked - yikes!!!)

So I filled out everything and was very interested in the profile.  Only, then I started getting emails about matches and communications and now I am all a-twitter!  (Flustered, nervous, nauseated etc.)

I don't want to hurt anyone's feelings - like i do not like them... I feel like I should email and come clean that I am not really single yet.  But then why would I start some silly communication like that?  I should just ignore it and it will go away, right?

But then I saw that there were a couple people who has CLOSED communication with me.  What does that mean??? I think it means that they were matched with me and didn't want to be, so CLOSED the communication!!!  Why?  What did they read about me that they didn't like?  Why don't they want me???  So that got me all flustered and rejected and hurt!!!  I even got a TINY stomach ache.

Both the positive possibilities and the negative possibilities of singleness and dating FREAKED ME OUT!!!  I have been married since I was born (practically!)... even though singleness sometimes sounds appealing, i never wanted to be single again and I never planned on being single again and now faced with the possibility that I may one day BE single, I am very frightened.