My Drinking Part 2

Update/follow up to "My Drinking" part 1, click here.

I drink now. But I've reigned it in since my original foray into it and all my concerns. I probably have a drink now once every few months.

A lot of my drinking was related to my social choices. I was hanging out with FUN people who like to drink and drink a lot (and possibly unrelated, are not church/faith friends, but kids' sports friends - notoriously a big drinking crowd). they made drinking look fun and enticing. I was tired of being alone and not having fun. I wanted to be a "part of" (always on of my big issues). And I am not great at moderation in anything I like.

I stopped hanging out with that crowd (I believe God removed it from me or me from it). My kids stopped playing on their club sports teams. Mr. M came home. I stopped having endless hours to hang out. I wasn't going to leave him to go drink. he couldn't very well come along and watch the rest of us drink. So it just fizzled.

My kids don't/didn't like to see me drink. Mr. M obviously hated it. Mr. M and I are together a LOT and I wasn't going to drink around my alcoholic husband.

So on rare occasion, when I am with a couple girlfriends and no hubbies and no kids, I may have a margarita or a glass of wine. This is a rare occurrence.

So, while I am no longer sober and do not need to be, I also do not really drink.

Interesting. Interesting.

My Drinking

I had not had a drink of alcohol for 20 years.

20 years!!!

Why?

I had made some bad choices (alcohol related) as a teen.

I got "sober" in 1987, and the rest is history.

My alcoholic husband continued to drink while I did not.

Perhaps I felt noble.  Perhaps I thought i was modeling for him.

On some level I did not know if I was an alcoholic or not, but I was scared of what might happen if I started drinking again.

Last summer I had a margarita.

Since then I have started drinking.

I drink.

I like drinking.

I think about drinking.

I want to drink.

I am concerned that a bit of an obsession is starting.

I don't WANT to have an obsession.

I want to drink like "normal" people.

But I honestly don't know if I can.

Tonight I had a bit too much wine at dinner... I am not that picky about my alcohol... I prefer beer, but wine was available with italian food... so I drank it.

I was a little buzzed.

I didn't want to drive my child home buzzed, so we went to Target for a while and shopped.

45 minutes, $80, and a bit more sober later, I drove home.

I am still a bit lit.

I had too much.

I like(d) it.

I look forward to my next drink.

When did I drink this week?

Let's see...

Friday night, 2 glasses of wine.

Tuesday night, amusement park, 2 beers.

Wednesday lunch, 1 glass pinot grigio.

Friday night, 2 glasses chianti.

Uh-oh.

That's a fair amount of drinking in one week.

And I think of my next drink.

I like the way I feel.

I will probably have to NOT drink... but I don't want to.

*sigh*