The Diet - Part 2 and update

Well, it has been MONTHS since my last update and the beginning of our diets.

We eventually adjusted to our crabbiness and settled into the routine. We ate healthier and made wiser eating choices. I continued walking around the lake (3 miles) 5 days a week. My caffeine reduction did NOT go so well and I am still clinging to my full-fledged addiction.

I have lost around 30 lbs. and have about 25 to go. I am already MUCH happier with how I look! Mr. M is down to 222 lbs. and does not want to lose any more. He just wants to keep lifting weights and getting BIGGER at the gym.

We went on a 2 week family vacation at the start of summer and I utterly and entirely did not watch a THING I ate (well, except to WATCH it go INTO MY MOUTH!!!). I did not gain anything back, thankfully, but I sure as heck did not lose. We have been back 3 weeks now and I am having trouble getting back into the swing of things... it is REALLY hard. Again, I am not gaining, but I'm not losing. I have been good the last 3 days or so. Hoping I will have more discipline. I am hoping by Christmas I will be where I want to be. (That seems a LONG way off!)

HOW ARE WE DOING IT? - calorie counting pure and simple.

Eat less, move more.

Calories in/calories out.

Less input/more output.

I get 1500 calories per day.

Mr. M gets 2400 calories per day.

Update on our Fam:

Mr. M is still progressing nicely in his sobriety.

He has 16 months.

It is not perfect.

I still get very fearful and suspicious and controlling.

Drummer had his birthday party and we had 40 old teens/young adults over and Mr. M disappeared and didn't tell me where he was going (at 10PM). He sauntered back in a little bit later and I was a little panicky and accusatory. He was ashamed, hurt and pissed so he did not comfort me or assuage my fears. He acted all cavalier and like I was over-reacting and "what's the big deal". this was all SUCH old behavior and did nothing to quell my fears. We were able to talk it out and work through it and he admitted he was ashamed and embarrassed and wished he could go to the store without me freaking out... but he realizes it is HIS past behavior that puts us in that position. Blah blah blah. We shall see, you know? In the meantime, I am powerless over Mr. M and my life is unmanageable.

I am still in therapy and I STILL feel like I am growing and making progress... so as long as that is true, I will keep going.

The kids are doing well.

Hacker is planning a mission trip for several months to Africa.

Drummer is getting ready to head off to college *sniff sniff*.

Bub is about to get his driver's license.

Girlie is an emotional roller coaster - teenage girls... CRAZY!!!

xo

Drummer's Perspective

Don't you love it when your kids are in a really good place for a few minutes?

With an alcoholic parent in a dysfunctional home, it is easy to focus on all the things we do WRONG.  I love those moments when you get it bask in a moment of "right".

18 year old Drummer came home last night on an utter high on God.  

He'd had kind of a "mountain top" conversation with"E" (an ex-girlfriend  and now best friend, but they still love each other).  They had talked about God and the Gospel and forgiveness and love and many other passionate, intense, life-changing things that young, idealistic teens talk about.

He was SO in love with the Gospel he was near exploding.  He was saying that this is all he wants to live for... he can't live and NOT tell people about the gospel of Jesus Christ.  He wants to be a Missionary (Cambodia?).  

He told me he prays for me, when he remembers.  I told him I pray for him.  He said "I know, Mom" with such assurance and confidence.  I felt so guilty because I do NOT pray for him with the regularity and faithfulness with which I should.  I am a flaky pray-er (at best) and yet he believes that (of course) his Mom is devotedly praying often for him.  He said he feels safe and protected in our home.  He told me that he believes that all 4 of them are doing good because of the stable, consistent, steady influence I have been in their lives during Mr. M's tough time and long drinking bouts.

He had (just last night, not always - for example, when he is on restriction for not turning in an English assignment or coming home after curfew) such a sweet and loving perspective on me and Lord knows I WANT that!!!  I want my kids to love & respect me and to see how hard I have tried to give them stability and consistency.

But on the other hand, I know that kids need stability and reliability so they will tend to put that on me more because they NEED it to be on me than because I was really that great.  With Mr. M off the deep end, they NEED me to be the steady one... it is more about their need than the reality.  Even though I have worked hard to BE stale & steady for them, I know that I have my own dysfunction and have contributed to our family "dance" in my own special ways and I want my kids to feel permission to SEE the yuck in me.  I don't PREFER this... I don't want them to see any bad in me, I want them to only see my best moments & intentions.  But by living there, I am denying them mental health & truth.