Self-Absorption

If you were to listen to just my end of my conversations with Mr. M on the phone [and these are 2-3 times a day... this is probably extremely dysfunctional of me, but he had only been drinking 2 weeks after 3.5 years of sobriety, so i think I am kind of in shock and it is hard to go completely cold-turkey and just cut him off], you would hear something like this:

Long stretch of silence while Mr. M talks.

Me: So you're really frustrated?

Long stretch of silence while Mr. M talks

Me: Oh, yeah... that makes sense...

Long stretch of silence while Mr. M talks

Me: Yeah... yeah...

Long stretch of silence while Mr. M talks

Me: It did?

Long stretch of silence while Mr. M talks

Me: I'll bet that hurt your feelings?

Long stretch of silence while Mr. M talks

Me: Yeah... ouch!

Long stretch of silence while Mr. M talks

Me: Mmmmmm Hmmmmm...

Long stretch of silence while Mr. M talks

Me: Yeah

Long stretch of silence while Mr. M talks

Me: Wow, yeah... i get that...

Long stretch of silence while Mr. M talks

Me: Uh huh...

Long stretch of silence while Mr. M talks

Me: Totally

Long stretch of silence while Mr. M talks

Me: Oh yeah, that makes sense

AD NAUSEUM.

And this is no exaggeration.

He talks and talks and talks and talks and I listen and mirror and reflect and hear and understand.

He talks about his depression and fear and anxiety and frustration about everything from his housing situation to his irritation with his Sponsor to the meeting he went to to fears about the stress of jumping back into his business.

I am currently just a 1-dimensional caricature in his world right now. I do not have needs or fears or heartbreak or desires. I am here only to serve his bottomless pit of need.

It has me wondering - are we ALWAYS like this? Or is he usually better than this?

And lest I sound like I am trying to be a noble sufferer, my motives are not entirely altruistic, I KNOW better than this, but I think - if I am totally honest, I am doing it with probably more than a little self-serving and codependence: if I listen and love and hear and mirror enough, maybe I can keep him sober!