If I can pay $65 to have needles stuck individually into each hair follicle and have electrical current shot into them to kill hair for my vanity, then surely, I can come up with $65 to pay for an hour with Dr. for my mental health! I am going to cut down on my electrocution appointments and start paying Dr. $65.
I feel good about paying more... and although I don't know that I could EVER justify $150 an hour in my budget, I don't want Dr. to think that I don't think he is worth that much. I told him I felt guilty because of this. He told me he didn't need me to validate him because he knows what he's worth.
This gave me pause.
I don't know if my feelings were hurt because he didn't need that from me (and what good am I if someone doesn't need that from me?).
Or was I sad because I do not know my worth and that was such a stark contrast?
Things to think about.
I hope you contact me. I have going through the history of this blog and will be giving the url to my christian 12 step group. I have lots of questions and common experience. As to the Dr.'s comments, it was him having a teaching moment with you , :-) me thinks. But as a christian........well, i will just say for me :-) I have God given worth. I am worth so much because the God of the universe chose to make it so. My worth is so great the God of the universe died for me. A worth placed on me , I am worth unconditional love!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I have God give worth! What worth can any human give me( validate) that is greater/better then this? Not a one! And I can't make someone else worth more either. However, nothing wrong with telling someone the truth so that they might choose to recognize it!
ReplyDeleteTammy.
ReplyDeleteI SO value your words of wisdom. And yes, Dr. was indeed "teaching" me.
And its sad (or curious or strange or interesting) because although I KNOW what you and Dr. are saying it true, it can't seem to penetrate the self-protective barrier I have built (see my most recent post "Therapy Day 1.06.09").
I have a journey ahead to get my head knowledge into my heart. Because I KNOW that I have worth in God's eyes... but deep down inside, if I am utterly honest and truthful with myself and with you, I must not TRULY believe that.
Keep reading and posting and we can grow together.
xo