Me #3 (Cleavage)

I am lonely and sad and feel rejected and unloved. I don't feel good about how I look outside or how I feel inside.

I am fat right now, for me (size 12). Fatter than I have ever been. I don't like how I look in clothes. One thing I think I look good in is lower cut tops. I think my cleavage takes some of the focus off the rest of me. Plus, I believe these cuts are more flattering to my body type and the way I carry my fat. Plus, if I get a little extra attention or notice or interest due to the cleavage (my boobs are much more generous looking when I am fatter... the only benefit of the extra weight), that doesn't hurt my sad, lonely neglected feeling.

Oh, I am not stupid enough to let myself believe - even for a minute - that appreciation of my boobs means love, care, comfort, acceptance, a lifetime of care and companionship... but it is nice for 10 seconds to feel seen & noticed... in ANY way. Again, I KNOW this is not the way I deeply desire to be known and noticed... but it is something and something is better than nothing. Isn't it???

Maybe like a little kid wanting attention, ANY attention, even if it means being naughty and getting in trouble.

And as a "nice" Christian wife and mother, I am not supposed to flaunt my cleavage.

But sometimes I don't really care.

I sometimes make a stab a modesty, but I feel like it makes me look fatter - like I am trying to hide my curves instead of "accentuating the positive".

I want to look 'yummy' instead of fat... delicious.

I want love and care, but apparently, I will take some attention for my cleavage as sloppy seconds.