I am doing a tad better emotionally the last couple of day, but am experiencing a LOT of anxiety. I am not sure why. I have cut out all supplements and a lot of caffeine. Must just be feelings - haha!
Today is the graduation party for Bub.
I guess there is always at least SOME anxiety with entertaining.
Girlie isn't doing well emotionally... I know that causes anxiety for me.
Drummer's band had a show the other night and someone overheard some people making fun of him/them and THAT gave me anxiety.
I chose to go to Drummer's show (because I haven't been in a long time) and I missed Bub's last improv comedy competition. (I asked if his feelings would be hurt if I went to Drummer's show -he said "no".) Apparently Bub was HILARIOUS and did SO well and had SUCH a great time (best match ever!).
Mr. M was supposed to go to that and chose to stay home and watch TV.
I have guilt and anxiety that I missed it. (I apologized to Bub and told him how hard it was to have to pick - I went to his Senior Drama goodbye and Thursday night and his award presentation on Tuesday night - and I said "I probably should've gone to yours since it was the last one ever and Drummer will have more shows" and Bub said "Yeah, that's what my girlfriend said." - Aaaaaarrrgggh!)
Hacker's wife's parents are in town from out-of-state... first time EVER in our state - and I have been so busy with all this stuff (and throwing the graduation party) that I haven't seen them ONCE! It was terrible timing for their trip! (But no one asked me - haha!) THAT gives me anxiety!!!!!!!!!!
All I can figure is that I have been pushing down so many feelings for so many years (living in an alcoholic marriage, but also before then - from my childhood) and now that they are surfacing, they are just overwhelming.
Well, on with the day...
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I hope you're feeling more settled soon. Your kids have a lot going on and it must be hard to balance it all out. But it is such a good sign that you have the kind of life where you are so engaged with everyone. Your kids' high expectations of you are a reflection of their admiration for you. And maybe Bub's girlfriend is a little competitive, making a remark like that?
ReplyDeleteBottom line is you've been through a lot emotionally but it is not showing through on your exterior so people are still expecting a lot. You can let then know you are overwhelmed and need to slow down for a little while or maybe call everyone at the beginning of the month and tell them you are working out your calendar and what's everyone got coming up?
These are just some suggestions people have given me when I start to get a little chaotic.
Big hugs to you!
Other people's responses aren't your responsibility. I have 4 kids and there is no humanly possible way for me to be available to all 4 at all times, their dad, and my 60 hour a week job. So we do what we can and we let the rest go. We teach our kids that we are doing the best we can. We accept their best and hope they will accept our best. Be gentle with yourself...slow down, deep breath, and do what you can.
ReplyDeleteYou have a lot on your plate. I like the slogan First Things First. It has helped me to let things that are unimportant go. Do what you can and be kind to yourself.
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