Proverbs 31:30

“Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the LORD is to be praised.”- Proverbs 31:30

Although it is true that “you catch more flies with honey than with vinegar”, I find myself often wanting to always be honey when the truth sometimes lies in vinegar.  There is nothing wrong with compliments and kindness. But there is a thin line between compliments and flattery, between being kind and being a people-pleaser. Scripture is clear about the difference. “Charm is deceptive.”  This seems more a challenge than a condemnation. Can I strive for more loving truth and less deceptive charm?

When I am in line at the grocery store and glance over at the newsstand, I see 87 magazine covers showing me what beauty is and is not. Perhaps it’s the glorious model already back in her pre-pregnancy jeans even though her baby is just 9 minutes old.   Or on the opposite end of the spectrum, maybe it’s the pop star photographed in her bathing suit looking like a *GASP* size 10 while the tabloid headline screams that she is obese. Even if we don’t pick up those magazines and read them, they still creep into our subconsciousness.

There is nothing wrong with being beautiful. In the Old Testament, It was Queen Esther’s beauty, that God used to save the Jews.  It’s the value we place on it, how we use it, and what other areas we neglect when we focus on our beauty that are more God’s concern.  What is beautiful to Him is a woman who fears the Lord and finds her confidence in Him.

My Alcoholic Husband

My husband is a drunk.

He is away in "treatment" (if you can call it that).  It is a long program (12 months).  It's free, but there is no counseling, no 12-steps, no real program except a whole lotta Bible Study and prayer.  I can't COUNT how many times he has had hands laid on him with prayers of miracle healing (I can't handle any more of these "non-miracles").  So whatever.  He is out of my house for 12 months of free baby-sitting.

It sounds like I hate him.  I don't.  But boy, am I angry.  And man, am I heart-broken, alone, devastated, grief-stricken, abandoned, bereft, and tired.  God is big and can do miracles... I don't doubt this.  But He hasn't done it yet and my husband has free will, so what makes me think THIS is it?

If I was to take a poll of all the people who know us, I swear, 50% would vote for me to call it quits and get a divorce, and 50% would tell me to hang in there, obey God, "have faith".  

Some would change their vote depending on the day. 

Some would want me to give him "just one more chance" (how many "one more chances" can I give, I ask?).  

After this round of treatment, maybe he will finally 'get it' and get sober, some would entreat. But for how long?, I ask.  

Because you know what they say: "Dogs bark... and drunks drink".

Over our 20 years of alcoholic marriage, he has had periods of sobriety (10 minutes here and there), it's periods of sneaking and lying and hiding and semi-functioning.  And it has had periods of flagrant, skid-row bum binges (stories another time).

I have never had an affair (sigh).  To my knowledge, he has never had an affair.  Although I sometimes wish he would so I could Biblically justify a divorce.  (Would it be wrong of me to hire a hooker one time when he was drunk???)  

I am blogging because I want to speak the truth, before God and man.  I don't want to mince words.  I don't want to say the "appropriate" thing.  I don't want to say the "godly" or Biblical thing because i "should".  I want to speak my truth.  I don't want to use the words "probably" or "I think" or "I could be wrong" or "just" or other words that soften my opinion (that I use all the time in my "real" life because I don't want to offend people or sound "unchristian").  Maybe if I practice it here, it will leak out more and more into my "real" life. 

Let's take it one post at a time and see how it goes.

**PS
In August 2012 I wrote an "update" on this post.