Thursday, July 3, 2008

Where've You Been?

I think about blogging often.  
I often think about blogging. 
And yet, something stops me.  
It feels a bit like an obligations sometimes.
Other times it feels like an indulgence I don't deserve.
Other times I have compared myself with all the other amazingly talented bloggers out there.

I want to be happy & blissful & creative & say fun, witty things that inspire people to want to be better "thems".  
I want to be insightful, whimsical, delicious, and brilliant.  
Or at least incredibly deep and melancholy and artistic... a dark genius.  
I am terribly afraid that I am none of the above.  
I am terribly afraid that I am untalented and sappy and boring.  
BORING.  
I used to have such high hopes for myself but I have lost my aspirations... I have lost my self. 
I don't just have LOW self-esteem, I have NO self esteem.  
I have a heavy heart and heavy hips, a heavy belly and and a big, heavy ass.  


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